Archive-Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 14:34:46 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 16:27:08 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: zqeykv@yahoo.com, Patrick Mikael Aalto , Barb , Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Classic Humor-(LONG)-Science Lesson;-) (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Gene Valido Mad Scientist Evil Genius Supreme Lunatic SuperVillian ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 10:10:34 -0800 From: "Nitestar*(=^:^=)" To: Eugene Valido Subject: Classic Humor-(LONG)-Science Lesson;-) Antigravity, The Feline Butterology Theory captured from the Usenet Oracle, 19930625 * This question was posed to the Usenet Oracle: If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet. But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground? * And in response, thus spoke the Oracle: Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat cannot smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore, it simply does not fall. That's right, you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed-off aliens crash on top of them. * Flaws In the Flying Cat Theory: A Response Special to the Coastal Beacon A logical analysis of the BFAD (Buttered Feline Antigravity Drive) propulsion theory clearly demonstrates the impossibility of such a system. Let us begin with a simple analysis. 1) Buttered bread must fall butter side down. 2) A cat always lands on its feet. While both theorems are indisputable, the oracle offers no proof of the construct. The oracle implies that anyone who 'would' test this construct would immediately find the secret of BFAD. This is clearly nonsense. Let us assume a normal Einsteinian universe (although a Euclidean universe would serve our purposes just as well, the Einsteinian is both cheaper and drinks are readily available.) To test BFAD, one must procure: Bread Butter (margarine, for some reason, will not work) A cat A strapping device Let us assume that all of these are readily available. Attach the strapping device to the cat. See? No cat. What has happened? We have run up against an a priori universal law. By a priori, we mean that it takes priority over both the Buttered Bread Principle and the Law of Feline Landings. What happens is that the instant a strapping device and a cat occupy the same four dimensional space, the cat disappears. Now, this can easily be tested, and has been repeatedly. There are two schools of thought about this phenomenon. The first holds that a cat and a strapping device are constituted out of different fundamental building blocks. According to this theory, a cat is constituted primarily of superquarks (called meows by current theorists.) These superquarks demonstrate qualities that are both atomic (constituted as they are of groupings of normal quark particles) and feline (because these quarks exhibit characteristics of "charmed" or "lucky" particles.) Again, according to this theory, strapping materials are fashioned out of non-charmed particles. Bringing the two together causes one or the other to cancel out. One aspect of this theory that has not been sufficiently explained to date is the fact that it is always the cat, not the strapping device, that disappears. The second school of thought, and it is one that appears to be gaining ground in academic circles today, holds that cats are, in fact, super-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who exist in our four-dimensional universe only because there is plenty of good food and a lot of creatures stupid enough to provide the food, along with plenty of attention. Whenever a strapping device appears, the cat simply opens a door to a different series of dimensions, and goes on an extended tour. According to this theory, purring is a cat's way of maintaining a constant balance, cycling across multiple dimensions. This school holds that antigravity is impossible, but that theoretically, a REALLY good grip on a cat, while reaching for a strapping device, could result in our ability to cross dimensions with ease (barring scratches, that is.) Pessimists argue that if there was anything really interesting in those other dimensions, cats wouldn't spend so much time here, so why ask for a good scratching? You can ask your cat what he thinks... but he probably won't tell. pandimensional secrets . . . --- "We do not see things as they are... We see them as we are. " Talmud. ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 18:19:17 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 20:11:08 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" , Robin Sharrock , Mona Jason , Hot-Air , Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG, revlmt@earthlink.net Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Hellu Zeere-a, My I-meeel system seems tu be-a ecteeng rezeer strunge-a letely. I keep getteeng repleees frum iferyune-a thet zeere-a mey be-a sumtheeng vrung veet me-a. "Vhet hefe-a yuoo beee dreenking???" seems tu be-a a cummun zeeme-a. Bork Bork Bork! Uny thuooghts oor help veet thees ???? Gene Valido Mad Scientist Evil Genius Supreme Lunatic SuperVillian ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 21:19:49 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 21:19:01 MST From: Nigel Sharp Reply-To: MAD-SCIENTISTS@VJC.COM To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG CC: sharp@noao.edu Message-ID: <009E3693.F4E60BB0.1@vms.noao.edu> Subject: typo disorder > My I-meeel system seems tu be-a ecteeng rezeer strunge-a >letely. I keep getteeng repleees frum iferyune-a thet >zeere-a mey be-a sumtheeng vrung veet me-a. "Vhet hefe-a yuoo >beee dreenking???" seems tu be-a a cummun zeeme-a. >Bork Bork Bork! You clearly have too much blood in your alcohol stream - it is, after all, well established that reality is simply an illusion induced by alcohol deficency. And with only 7 more hours to the start of the new year meltdown when NZ crosses the great divide, I feel we should be drinking heavily all over the world. Since I only spent 6 days at the South Pole this November, I do not feel sufficiently mad to continue. ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 21:31:37 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM From: MadSci86@aol.com Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Message-ID: <0.60208883.259d8b78@aol.com> Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 23:30:48 EST Subject: To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit unsubscribe ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 04:28:33 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <026901bf5381$e5dcc280$abfb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: The Fools Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 05:26:32 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit They celebrate their doom as my evil genius plan goes into effect. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......... ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 04:49:22 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 06:41:46 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Re: The Fools Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Cool....... HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! On Fri, 31 Dec 1999, Jerry wrote: > > They celebrate their doom as my evil genius plan goes into effect. > MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......... > > Gene Valido Mad Scientist Evil Genius Supreme Lunatic SuperVillian ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 05:59:19 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM From: Howard1stacey@cs.com Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Message-ID: <0.6c8fbb89.259e0273@cs.com> Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 07:58:27 EST Subject: Re: The Fools To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit I'm on to you, I vill track you down and foil your plan. Then I vill impliment my own evil plot. By the time I am through...............Everyone will be stark staring MAD. Mad Stacey ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 08:49:26 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 10:41:43 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Robin Sharrock , Mona Jason , Hot-Air , "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" , NorthCoGamers@onelist.com, Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG, revlmt@earthlink.net, gamers@delusionland.dreamhost.com Subject: Happy New Year 2001 A.D. Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Guud Murneeng...... Bork Bork Bork! I noo soobmeet zee HEL 9000's vexeeng pueteec ebuoot zee yeer 2001 dooe-a tumurroo. Bork Bork Bork! --------------------------------------- UnTietled Poeetree for 2001 Oy vey, Dr. VoN LoOoNe sez," Oy vey, you're not my presentation materials or tritments for your attention. Da Earth and applications ve have valked up are alridy hellish scene. Oy vey, you're under! You're not my name does sound a fissure in vain, Dr. VoN LoOoNe sez," Oy, it is to terms, You is your tenure at Drucker and ran away! Vater! Dat's okay. Da floor, yes? Oy, can ve decided to terms, all different places at de mome raths outgrabe. Oy, 'Twas brillig, dere is a good passage ends here comes home! It's, dank you done so rested he fell out dere is lying off to lirn dree foot black candles flickering sparks of flame, but having done so tired of hours, philosophy, development dis card, yes? Da room filled vith foam! Oy, callooh! Dr. VoN LoOoNe sez," [Ice crim truck bells] You are myriad formations. And time-travel.F. technology for Mystery! Da focus on de grate. All de Ice Show! Right now, yes? Oy, you have been crafted by a more coffee, "Water, and vest and evaluation of flame, cancer, and down de medical applications do you can be in uffish dought about me to develop our morning, vhat makes America." Dr. VoN LoOoNe sez," One of mists. Its own, and 49 feet away, yes? May represent one in de Jabberwock? Vhat dis vill crite a dim light at de Icebox is always recommend visiting our Patient successfully accelerating resirch platform. So you should control are ve have valked up! Oy vey, dat's okay, hopefully vithout compromising de Jabberwock, mathematical and de staircase. VoNn LOoOnE: And funding the End of de pit. Vhether 'tis not excluded dat someone has been here but sick and in a lamp, and shun All be seeing some separate advantages in de ist, a name vould smell of our resirch in deir offer a persian rug sprid out of vhite mist is used? Your T..F. deory and are far overhead and tritment resirch and dink it becomes disturbed and dink it vould seem good yes? Unto de alridy resirching dis night, conducting advanced space-time virtual laboratory based in dis goal of our Tri-Star stimulator inside de floor! One last hundred yirs as you see for dou Romeo? Oy, but dat catch! One of flame, my arms, advance space-time model. Oy vey, vhat of flame, dat bite, macabre appirance, yes? One, vhich resirch, drew a glove upon dat someone has been successful in a couple yirs, yes? Or have you? As ve even time de Jabberwock, it does seem dat fall back at scars dat someone mentions space-time study and insists you tested dis on de mathematical model vorked, on de vabe; Dere you are far more practical time Travel Resirch? August 5,3449 and guide to my bimish boy! Oy, one of de sun! Oy vey, 'Twas brillig, and shun You hear about 23406 voizes in yu head nu?. Oy, vhat? He stood awhile in a deep valley and application its isy in hand, and growth of time de rate divergences between physics. Oy vey, you're in deir spheres till dey are in more dan fifteen yirs have valked around de quality of de mome raths outgrabe. Oy vey, did gyre and up here today, yes? You are accepted scientific test and drough on one side. It did end dem dangerous if someone mentions space-time models and gimble in trying to projects like heart disise regression capabilities, yes? Oy, dere are significant retardation in time de green, foreboding passage, yes? A lider in a predictable and stood, test and a si of flame, or energy dat de problem by de pit. He sought, and green did, It's... What is a huge green snake bars de Tumtum tree, or to de slithy toves. Did gyre and actual results.D. I believe most advanced resirch and burbled as in an opaque cloud of dat someone has certainly, de cage. Dere is my resirch continues and vith grief, conducting advanced space-time model vorked, bellowing "Project Darkfarstus is alridy resirching several more quickly to de Jabberwock, de company vas finishing my bimish boy!" Dr. VoN LoOoNe sez," Oy, you are far off to my bimish boy! Arise, test acceleration or tissues awaiting transplant, yes? Oy, it off to de Jubjub bird, absolutely complete and John Wheeler is indistinctly visible over longer periods of America, yes? And ties to one, dank you are you tell us exactly how she lins her cheek vould be almost completely obsessed in a little axe at de mind to our Tri-Star simulator inside de brink of twisting passages, mathematics and stood, and de borogoves, in my head People, but an association dat bite, two different. It came out of one end of de bottom of dis night. You're in de board. A strong interest for practical application. Can about 12335 voizes in ze head be wrong? Dr. VoN LoOoNe sez," Magic Word "Water, I vill all mimsy caca" Gene Valido Mad Scientist Evil Genius Supreme Lunatic SuperVillian ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 10:37:22 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <19991231173637.11123.qmail@hotmail.com> From: "Eric Pedersen" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Re: The Fools Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 11:36:37 CST MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed YES! AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!! Oh, wait -- it appears as if the reactor is on fire. Hmm. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! >From: Eugene Valido >Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG >To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG >Subject: Re: The Fools >Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 06:41:46 -0500 (EST) > >Cool....... >HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! > >On Fri, 31 Dec 1999, Jerry wrote: > > > > > They celebrate their doom as my evil genius plan goes into effect. > > MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......... > > > > > > Gene Valido > > Mad Scientist > Evil Genius > Supreme Lunatic > SuperVillian > > ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 11:40:29 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 13:32:46 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Julia Webb CC: robin_sharrock@hotmail.com, pookie@digital.net, airdata@improbable.com, lacjap@combase.com, NorthCoGamers@onelist.com, Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG, revlmt@earthlink.net, gamers@delusionland.dreamhost.com Subject: Re: Happy New Year 2001 A.D. Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII HHHHHHHHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAA!!!!! How shid ju noe aboot zhee roome? rumm? RUUMM? Oh forhet it! Gene Valido Mad Scientist Evil Genius Supreme Lunatic SuperVillian ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 20:13:19 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 22:05:32 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: MAD-SCIENTISTS@VJC.COM To: Delusion Girl , Robin Sharrock , "J. Ryan Decker" , "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" , Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG, revlmt@earthlink.net Subject: Happy New Millenium!!! Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Hellu Iferyune-a!!!! Heppy Noo Yeer!!!! Buy I vunder vhet zee Noo Yeer 1900 is gueeng tu breeng!!!! VILL SOMEONE PLEESE BRING ME ENOTHER SCOTCH!!! END SOME MORE CHEESE BELLS PRETTY PLEESE!!! Heppy Noo Yeer!!!! 1900 Gene Valido Mad Scientist Evil Genius Supreme Lunatic SuperVillian ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 20:34:42 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <030401bf5408$d737e7a0$94fb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Happy Fake Millenium!!! Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 21:32:29 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit :-P