Archive-Date: Wed, 05 Jan 2000 15:21:18 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 17:12:38 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: revlmt@earthlink.net, Robin Sharrock , "J. Ryan Decker" , "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" , Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Every one has Those kinds of days.... Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII It's been rather slow lately....... Scientific Humor * The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. For this task it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain any more so it eats it. It's rather like getting tenure. --seen on 'net; original source unknown * ...they ask, "What do you teach?" When I answer "chemistry," they get that look like they've just been forced to eat Brussel sprouts. --Scott Wierschke, DoD HPC UG 1997 * In real life, chemistry is messy. --M. Parrinello, 9th ICQC * It is what they call "embarassingly parallel" but to tell the truth, I'm not very embarassed. --M. Parrinello, 9th ICQC * In colloquial English, "we" means more than one person. If a king or emperor says "we did it", it means "I did it." When a professor says "we did it" is means "my graduate student did it." --V. E. Bondybey, 9th ICQC * 1023 simple things is not something you want to deal with on a Sunday morning. --Richard Stratt, ACTC'96 * We're going to use the method of wishful thinking. --Mike Zerner, ACTC'96 * There's lots of factors of two in this theory. Some of them are right and some of them are wrong. --Mike Zerner, ACTC'96 * The...term is extremely whimsical but fortunately small. --Grzegorz Chalasinski, EMSL * The horrible truth in its gory glory. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Again, I think that's something everyone was born with: Conversation of energy, conservation of linear and angular momentum, etc. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * ... but then a miracle appeared. I mean a real miracle, courtesy of Newton or somebody... --Jim Wiss, UIUC * It's not the fall that kills you, it's the hard stop. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * As usual, energy trumps momentum as a conecpt --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Timing is everything when it comes to killer satellites. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Newton was clearly a smart dude. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * ... so I can lecture like a man posessed. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * You have to use a kind of blobology or bagology. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Virtual displacement -- the displacement that time forgot. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Right now I think it's intuitively obvious, which means that I don't want to prove it. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * It's physics therefore it's right -- or at least it's mathematically consistent. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Good idea, I think I'll patent it. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * So why did I go through all of this garbage? It has to do with the fact that I didn't like the Star Trek episode last night. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * All of these are available to the true theoretical mechanician -- Mr. Bad Wrench. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Now judging from the [exam] average, there were well reasoned incorrect arguments. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * I guess that's obvious, which is another way of saying I don't understand it. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * ... the intuitive, i.e. dangerous approach. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * That's what we would jokingly refer to as the answer. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * The actually had something to do with Nelson's defeat of the Spanish Armada. It seems that the British would fire and hit and the Spanish would fire and miss... consistently. Then they went to Australia and had to do it backwards. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * F=ma is always a downer because you have to consider all the forces. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * We may not understand it, but at least we ought to write it down. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * What we always like to do in this case is to pull out a sleazoid mathematical trick. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * I can't think of any way to say it so I'll use dramatic imagery. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * This is an artist's conception of something. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * There is always a set of axes where life is simple, you just have to find them. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Proof by intimidation. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * Whoever he is, he's famous. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * I think that's obvious even without the Byzantine imagery. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * My intuition used to be good to 15%, but now its right on. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * I'm running low on symbols. --Jim Wiss, UIUC * So we're done with this jazz, thank God! --Jim Wiss, UIUC Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Wed, 05 Jan 2000 18:23:35 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 20:15:28 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: MAD-SCIENTISTS@VJC.COM To: "J. Ryan Decker" , "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" , revlmt@earthlink.net, Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Blair Geek Project Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: QUOTED-PRINTABLE In Autumn of 1998, three mathematics students wandered off into the picnic area. All that was ever found was this piece of paper......... =20 Lost in a Forest Steven Finch, Research and Development Team, 3MathSoft, Inc. Bellman asked the following remarkable question.=20 "We am lost in a forest whose shape and dimensions are precisely known to me. How can we escape in the shortest possible time?" =20 We examine answers to this question for certain two-dimensional forests. For a given region, we choose a strategy (i.e., a path to follow) and determine its worst-case scenario (i.e., an initial point which requires the maximum time to reach the outside). Then we minimize the maximum time over all strategies. It is surprising how difficult minimax problems like this are. =20 Circular Disc Assuming the circle has unit radius, the best path is a straight line segment of length 2. Gross3, Shklarsky, Chentzov and Yaglom4 and T=F3th5 gave easy proofs of this fact. =20 Square Region Assuming the square has unit side, the best path is a straight line segment of length sqrt2 . T=F3th5 gave a somewhat trickier proof of this. =20 Regular Even-Sided Polygons Assuming the polygon has unit side, the best path is a straight line segment of length diam , i.e., the diameter of the circle circumscribing the polygon. T=F3th5 proved this as well. Of course, this reduces to the square case when n is 4. =20 Half-Plane Region (with Known Initial Distance) This is the first nontrivial case. Assuming the initial distance to the boundary to be 1, the best path is =20 isbell1 =20 and has length isbell2 , as discovered by Isbell6. (Melzak7 claimed to have a solution but this was incorrect.) Joris8 rediscovered Isbell's solution, as well as solving a related 4beam detection problem. =20 Here is an alterative phrasing of the problem in this case (9,10). Suppose that I am lost at sea and I know that the shore is a straight line and distance 1 away. What is the most efficient way to search for the shore? =20 Half-Plane Region (with Unknown Initial Distance) Baeza-Yates, Culberson, and Rawlins9,10 conjectured that the optimal path here is given by a logarithmic spiral. Their evidence is quite compelling. By numerical optimization, they computed that the spiral is given by bycr1 . If the shore is distance 1 away (unknown to me, however), the length of the spiral is 13.81.... =20 Finch11 revisited these computations. His revised estimate of the best spiral is bycr2 , with length 13.811135.... An exact expression for these parameter values apparently doesn't exist. =20 Infinite Strip By an infinite strip, we mean the region between two horizontal parallel lines. Assuming the strip has unit width, the best path is a caliper: =20 The first published proof of this was given by Zalgaller12. (An earlier attempt by Gross3 was incorrect.) Schaer13 and Adhikari and Pitman14 independently rediscovered Zalgaller's result. =20 Solving this problem is equivalent to answering the question: "What is the maximum breadth beta of a curve of unit length?" We discuss this elsewhere in connection with 5Moser's worm constant. =20 Incidently, the distance between the two vertical parallel lines: =20 is algebraic of degree six: =20 but the length inv beta is probably transcendental. =20 Rectangular Region Assume the rectangle to have sides 1 and r, where 1 < r. The best path is a straight line segment of length rect1 if rect2 for some threshold rho0 , and the best path is Zalgaller's caliper of length invbeta if rect3 for some threshold rho1 . The first part of this result was proved by T=F3th5, as well as the inequality =20 =20 Clearly we must have =20 Since if rect6 , then rect7 . T=F3th further seems to claim that rect8 , but I am not sure of this. Is a third kind of path optimal for certain intermediate rectangles? This question deserves more attention. Material in 30,31 suggests that an answer might not be too far away. =20 Equilateral Triangular Region Assuming the triangle has unit side, we would expect the best path to be a straight line segment of length 1. Gross3, however, observed that the following path works and has length slightly less than 1: =20 =20 =20 for some eps . The first two segments each have length 1/3 and the third segment is slightly shorter. Besicovitch32 improved Gross' result to: =20 which has length =20 length =20 and angles given by =20 Steven Knox's 1994 exact expression for Besicovitch's formulation has been helpful in obtaining the above parameters. Can further improvements be made? Again, the question deserves more attention. =20 Regular Odd-Sided Polygons No progress on this case can be anticipated until the equilateral triangular case is completely solved. =20 Here is a brief survey of other references listed below. Just as Isbell6 solved the problem of finding a linear shore at distance 1, Gluss15 solved the problem of finding a circular shore of known radius s at distance 1. As s approaches infinity, Gluss' solution reduces to Isbell's. =20 Minimizing mean distance turns out to be more difficult than minimizing maximum distance. Gluss16 gave an approximate solution for the half-plane region (with known initial distance). Zalgaller17,18 gave an approximate solution for the infinite strip. Some related discussion occurs in 19,20,33. =20 Baeza-Yates and Schott21 examined a variation in which two (or more) persons are lost and search for the forest edge in parallel. They may or may not be in contact. Other computer science treatments include 22,23. A different variation is discussed in 24. =20 There must be deeper connections between the Lost in a Forest problem, 6beam detection constants, and 7worm constants that I've missed. I would appreciate hearing about these. =20 Acknowledgements =20 George Berzsenyi's article 29 started my interest in Bellman's problem. Andras Horvath and Peter Lipnik translated Shklarsky, Chentzov and Yaglom4 and T=F3th5. Tomas Andersson mentioned to me the paper of Baeza-Yates, Culberson and Rawlins10. Ricardo Baeza-Yates in turn sent me a helpful bibliography. Victor Zalgaller mailed his articles12,17,18 and John Shonder pointed out relevant USENET newsgroup discussion threads19. Thank you to all! =20 References 1. R. Bellman, Minimization problem, Bull. Amer. Math. Soc. 62 (1956) 270. 2. R. Bellman, Dynamic Programming, Princeton Univ. Press, 1957, p. 133; MR 19,820d. 3. O. Gross, A Search Problem due to Bellman, Rand. Corp. report RM-1603 (Sept. 1955). 4. D. O. Shklarsky, N. N. Chentzov and I. M. Yaglom, 8Problem 40, from The USSR Olympiad Problem Book, vol. 2, part 2, 1973, pp. 22-23, 136-137 and 367. 5. G. T=F3th, 9Bellman's problem, K=F6z=E9piskolai Matematikai Lapok, 6= 5 (1982) 53-55. 6. J. R. Isbell, An optimal search pattern, Naval Res. Logist. Quart. 4 (1957) 357-359; MR 19,820a. 7. Z. A. Melzak, Companion to Concrete Mathematics: Mathematical Techniques and Various Applications, Wiley 1973, pp. 148-154; MR 57 #2797. 8. H. Joris, Le chasseur perdu dans la for=EAt, Elemente der Mathematik 35 (1980) 1-14; MR 81d:52001. 9. R. A. Baeza-Yates, J. Culberson, and G. Rawlins, Searching with uncertainty (extended abstract), from 1st Scandinavian Workshop on Algorithm Theory (SWAT 88) Proceedings, Halmstad, Sweden, July 1988, R. Karlsson and A. Lingas, eds., Lecture Notes in CS 318, Springer-Verlag, 1988; pp. 176-189; MR 90f:68007. 10. R. A. Baeza-Yates, J. Culberson, and G. Rawlins, Searching in the plane, Inform. and Comput., 106 (1993) 234-252; preprint available at 10Universidad de Chile; MR 94h:90019. 11. S. Finch, unpublished work (1999). 12. V. A. Zalgaller, How to get out of the woods? (On a problem of Bellman), Mat. Prosveshchenie 6 (1961) 191-195 (in Russian). 13. J. Schaer, The broadest curve of length 1, Univ. of Calgary research paper no. 52 (1968). 14. A. Adhikari and J. Pitman, The shortest planar arc of width 1, Amer. Math. Monthly 96 (1989) 309-327; MR 90d:52016. 15. B. Gluss, The minimax path in a search for a circle in a plane, Naval Res. Logist. Quart. 8 (1961) 357-360. 16. B. Gluss, An alternative solution to the "Lost at Sea" problem, Naval Res. Logist. Quart. 8 (1961) 117-121; MR 23 #B2042. 17. V. A. Zalgaller, Discussion of a problem of Bellman, St. Petersburg, 1992 (manuscript deposited in VINITI 12.03.92, no. 849-B) (in Russian). 18. V. A. Zalgaller, Extremal problems concerning the convex hull of a space curve, St. Petersburg Math. J. 8 (1997) 369-379; MR 97c:58028. 19. USENET newsgroup alt.math.recreational 11The Infinite Island and 12Making Landfall discussion threads (1999). 20. 13Puzzle 45, Lost in a Forest and 14Partial Solution, MathSoft Inc., 1999. 21. R. A. Baeza-Yates and R. Schott, Parallel searching in the plane, Comput. Geom. 5 (1995) 143-154; preprint available at 15Universidad de Chile; MR 96i:68082. 22. C. H. Papadimitriou and M. Yannakakis, Shortest paths without a map (extended abstract), from Automata, Languages and Programming 16th International Colloquium (ICALP 89) Proceedings, Stresa, Italy, July 1989, G. Ausiello, M. Dezani-Ciancaglini and S. Ronchi Della Rocca, eds., Lecture Notes in CS 372, Springer-Verlag, 1989; pp. 610-620; also Theoret. Comput. Sci. 84 (1991) 127-150; MR 93c:68079. 23. A. Lopez-Ortiz, On Line Target Searching in Bounded and Unbounded Domains, Technical Report CS-96-25, Dept of Computer Science, University of Waterloo, 1996; available in 16postscript. 24. R. Hassin and A. Tamir, Minimal length curves that are not embeddable in an open planar set: the problem of a lost swimmer with a compass, SIAM J. Control Optim. 30 (1992) 695-703; MR 93d:90028. 25. C. S. Ogilvy, Tomorrow's Math: Unsolved Problems for the Amateur, Oxford Univ. Press, 1962, pp. 23-25, 147. 26. S. Gal, Search Games, Academic Press, 1980; pp. 176-178; MR 82k:90146. 27. V. Faber and J. Mycielski, The shortest curve that meets all lines that meet a convex body, Amer. Math. Monthly 93 (1986) 796-801; MR 87m:52017. 28. H. T. Croft, K. J. Falconer and R. K. Guy, Unsolved Problems in Geometry, Springer-Verlag 1991; section A30; MR 95k:52001. 29. G. Berzsenyi, Lost in a forest (A problem area initiated by the late Richard E. Bellman), Quantum (Nov./Dec. 1995) 41. 30. J. P. Jones and J. Schaer, The worm problem, Univ. of Calgary research paper no. 100 (1973). 31. J. Schaer and J. E. Wetzel, Boxes for curves of constant length, Israel J. Math. 12 (1972) 257-265; MR 47 #5726. 32. A. S. Besicovitch, On arcs that cannot be covered by an open equilateral triangle of side 1, Math. Gazette 49 (1965) 286-288; MR 32 #6320. 33. J. A. Shonder, 17The infinite island, Oak Ridge National Laboratory (1999), MS Word document. 34. J. M. Dobbie, A survey of search theory, Operations Research 16 (1968) 525-537. 35. R. Bellman, An optimal search, SIAM Review 5 (1963) 274. 36. V. A. Zalgaller, The problem of the shortest space curve of unit width, Mat. Fiz. Anal. Geom. 1 (1994) 454-461; MR 98i:52012. =20 18S. Finch Copyright (c) 1999 MathSoft Inc. All rights reserved. =20 Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Wed, 05 Jan 2000 20:04:08 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <001001bf57f2$5a3e55c0$a4fb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Re: Blair Geek Project Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2000 21:01:35 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit LMAO, this, due to reductionism, also applies to the previous post. -----Original Message----- From: Eugene Valido To: J. Ryan Decker ; Nitestar* (=^:^=) ; revlmt@earthlink.net ; Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Date: Wednesday, January 05, 2000 7:46 PM Subject: Blair Geek Project In Autumn of 1998, three mathematics students wandered off into the picnic area. All that was ever found was this piece of paper......... Lost in a Forest Steven Finch, Research and Development Team, 3MathSoft, Inc. Bellman asked the following remarkable question. "We am lost in a forest whose shape and dimensions are precisely known to me. How can we escape in the shortest possible time?" We examine answers to this question for certain two-dimensional forests. For a given region, we choose a strategy (i.e., a path to follow) and determine its worst-case scenario (i.e., an initial point which requires the maximum time to reach the outside). Then we minimize the maximum time over all strategies. It is surprising how difficult minimax problems like this are. Circular Disc Assuming the circle has unit radius, the best path is a straight line segment of length 2. Gross3, Shklarsky, Chentzov and Yaglom4 and Tóth5 gave easy proofs of this fact. Square Region Assuming the square has unit side, the best path is a straight line segment of length sqrt2 . Tóth5 gave a somewhat trickier proof of this. Regular Even-Sided Polygons Assuming the polygon has unit side, the best path is a straight line segment of length diam , i.e., the diameter of the circle circumscribing the polygon. Tóth5 proved this as well. Of course, this reduces to the square case when n is 4. Half-Plane Region (with Known Initial Distance) This is the first nontrivial case. Assuming the initial distance to the boundary to be 1, the best path is isbell1 and has length isbell2 , as discovered by Isbell6. (Melzak7 claimed to have a solution but this was incorrect.) Joris8 rediscovered Isbell's solution, as well as solving a related 4beam detection problem. Here is an alterative phrasing of the problem in this case (9,10). Suppose that I am lost at sea and I know that the shore is a straight line and distance 1 away. What is the most efficient way to search for the shore? Half-Plane Region (with Unknown Initial Distance) Baeza-Yates, Culberson, and Rawlins9,10 conjectured that the optimal path here is given by a logarithmic spiral. Their evidence is quite compelling. By numerical optimization, they computed that the spiral is given by bycr1 . If the shore is distance 1 away (unknown to me, however), the length of the spiral is 13.81.... Finch11 revisited these computations. His revised estimate of the best spiral is bycr2 , with length 13.811135.... An exact expression for these parameter values apparently doesn't exist. Infinite Strip By an infinite strip, we mean the region between two horizontal parallel lines. Assuming the strip has unit width, the best path is a caliper: The first published proof of this was given by Zalgaller12. (An earlier attempt by Gross3 was incorrect.) Schaer13 and Adhikari and Pitman14 independently rediscovered Zalgaller's result. Solving this problem is equivalent to answering the question: "What is the maximum breadth beta of a curve of unit length?" We discuss this elsewhere in connection with 5Moser's worm constant. Incidently, the distance between the two vertical parallel lines: is algebraic of degree six: but the length inv beta is probably transcendental. Rectangular Region Assume the rectangle to have sides 1 and r, where 1 < r. The best path is a straight line segment of length rect1 if rect2 for some threshold rho0 , and the best path is Zalgaller's caliper of length invbeta if rect3 for some threshold rho1 . The first part of this result was proved by Tóth5, as well as the inequality Clearly we must have Since if rect6 , then rect7 . Tóth further seems to claim that rect8 , but I am not sure of this. Is a third kind of path optimal for certain intermediate rectangles? This question deserves more attention. Material in 30,31 suggests that an answer might not be too far away. Equilateral Triangular Region Assuming the triangle has unit side, we would expect the best path to be a straight line segment of length 1. Gross3, however, observed that the following path works and has length slightly less than 1: for some eps . The first two segments each have length 1/3 and the third segment is slightly shorter. Besicovitch32 improved Gross' result to: which has length length and angles given by Steven Knox's 1994 exact expression for Besicovitch's formulation has been helpful in obtaining the above parameters. Can further improvements be made? Again, the question deserves more attention. Regular Odd-Sided Polygons No progress on this case can be anticipated until the equilateral triangular case is completely solved. Here is a brief survey of other references listed below. Just as Isbell6 solved the problem of finding a linear shore at distance 1, Gluss15 solved the problem of finding a circular shore of known radius s at distance 1. As s approaches infinity, Gluss' solution reduces to Isbell's. Minimizing mean distance turns out to be more difficult than minimizing maximum distance. Gluss16 gave an approximate solution for the half-plane region (with known initial distance). Zalgaller17,18 gave an approximate solution for the infinite strip. Some related discussion occurs in 19,20,33. Baeza-Yates and Schott21 examined a variation in which two (or more) persons are lost and search for the forest edge in parallel. They may or may not be in contact. Other computer science treatments include 22,23. A different variation is discussed in 24. There must be deeper connections between the Lost in a Forest problem, 6beam detection constants, and 7worm constants that I've missed. I would appreciate hearing about these. Acknowledgements George Berzsenyi's article 29 started my interest in Bellman's problem. Andras Horvath and Peter Lipnik translated Shklarsky, Chentzov and Yaglom4 and Tóth5. Tomas Andersson mentioned to me the paper of Baeza-Yates, Culberson and Rawlins10. Ricardo Baeza-Yates in turn sent me a helpful bibliography. Victor Zalgaller mailed his articles12,17,18 and John Shonder pointed out relevant USENET newsgroup discussion threads19. Thank you to all! References 1. R. Bellman, Minimization problem, Bull. Amer. Math. Soc. 62 (1956) 270. 2. R. Bellman, Dynamic Programming, Princeton Univ. Press, 1957, p. 133; MR 19,820d. 3. O. Gross, A Search Problem due to Bellman, Rand. Corp. report RM-1603 (Sept. 1955). 4. D. O. Shklarsky, N. N. Chentzov and I. M. Yaglom, 8Problem 40, from The USSR Olympiad Problem Book, vol. 2, part 2, 1973, pp. 22-23, 136-137 and 367. 5. G. Tóth, 9Bellman's problem, Középiskolai Matematikai Lapok, 65 (1982) 53-55. 6. J. R. Isbell, An optimal search pattern, Naval Res. Logist. Quart. 4 (1957) 357-359; MR 19,820a. 7. Z. A. Melzak, Companion to Concrete Mathematics: Mathematical Techniques and Various Applications, Wiley 1973, pp. 148-154; MR 57 #2797. 8. H. Joris, Le chasseur perdu dans la foręt, Elemente der Mathematik 35 (1980) 1-14; MR 81d:52001. 9. R. A. Baeza-Yates, J. Culberson, and G. Rawlins, Searching with uncertainty (extended abstract), from 1st Scandinavian Workshop on Algorithm Theory (SWAT 88) Proceedings, Halmstad, Sweden, July 1988, R. Karlsson and A. Lingas, eds., Lecture Notes in CS 318, Springer-Verlag, 1988; pp. 176-189; MR 90f:68007. 10. R. A. Baeza-Yates, J. Culberson, and G. Rawlins, Searching in the plane, Inform. and Comput., 106 (1993) 234-252; preprint available at 10Universidad de Chile; MR 94h:90019. 11. S. Finch, unpublished work (1999). 12. V. A. Zalgaller, How to get out of the woods? (On a problem of Bellman), Mat. Prosveshchenie 6 (1961) 191-195 (in Russian). 13. J. Schaer, The broadest curve of length 1, Univ. of Calgary research paper no. 52 (1968). 14. A. Adhikari and J. Pitman, The shortest planar arc of width 1, Amer. Math. Monthly 96 (1989) 309-327; MR 90d:52016. 15. B. Gluss, The minimax path in a search for a circle in a plane, Naval Res. Logist. Quart. 8 (1961) 357-360. 16. B. Gluss, An alternative solution to the "Lost at Sea" problem, Naval Res. Logist. Quart. 8 (1961) 117-121; MR 23 #B2042. 17. V. A. Zalgaller, Discussion of a problem of Bellman, St. Petersburg, 1992 (manuscript deposited in VINITI 12.03.92, no. 849-B) (in Russian). 18. V. A. Zalgaller, Extremal problems concerning the convex hull of a space curve, St. Petersburg Math. J. 8 (1997) 369-379; MR 97c:58028. 19. USENET newsgroup alt.math.recreational 11The Infinite Island and 12Making Landfall discussion threads (1999). 20. 13Puzzle 45, Lost in a Forest and 14Partial Solution, MathSoft Inc., 1999. 21. R. A. Baeza-Yates and R. Schott, Parallel searching in the plane, Comput. Geom. 5 (1995) 143-154; preprint available at 15Universidad de Chile; MR 96i:68082. 22. C. H. Papadimitriou and M. Yannakakis, Shortest paths without a map (extended abstract), from Automata, Languages and Programming 16th International Colloquium (ICALP 89) Proceedings, Stresa, Italy, July 1989, G. Ausiello, M. Dezani-Ciancaglini and S. Ronchi Della Rocca, eds., Lecture Notes in CS 372, Springer-Verlag, 1989; pp. 610-620; also Theoret. Comput. Sci. 84 (1991) 127-150; MR 93c:68079. 23. A. Lopez-Ortiz, On Line Target Searching in Bounded and Unbounded Domains, Technical Report CS-96-25, Dept of Computer Science, University of Waterloo, 1996; available in 16postscript. 24. R. Hassin and A. Tamir, Minimal length curves that are not embeddable in an open planar set: the problem of a lost swimmer with a compass, SIAM J. Control Optim. 30 (1992) 695-703; MR 93d:90028. 25. C. S. Ogilvy, Tomorrow's Math: Unsolved Problems for the Amateur, Oxford Univ. Press, 1962, pp. 23-25, 147. 26. S. Gal, Search Games, Academic Press, 1980; pp. 176-178; MR 82k:90146. 27. V. Faber and J. Mycielski, The shortest curve that meets all lines that meet a convex body, Amer. Math. Monthly 93 (1986) 796-801; MR 87m:52017. 28. H. T. Croft, K. J. Falconer and R. K. Guy, Unsolved Problems in Geometry, Springer-Verlag 1991; section A30; MR 95k:52001. 29. G. Berzsenyi, Lost in a forest (A problem area initiated by the late Richard E. Bellman), Quantum (Nov./Dec. 1995) 41. 30. J. P. Jones and J. Schaer, The worm problem, Univ. of Calgary research paper no. 100 (1973). 31. J. Schaer and J. E. Wetzel, Boxes for curves of constant length, Israel J. Math. 12 (1972) 257-265; MR 47 #5726. 32. A. S. Besicovitch, On arcs that cannot be covered by an open equilateral triangle of side 1, Math. Gazette 49 (1965) 286-288; MR 32 #6320. 33. J. A. Shonder, 17The infinite island, Oak Ridge National Laboratory (1999), MS Word document. 34. J. M. Dobbie, A survey of search theory, Operations Research 16 (1968) 525-537. 35. R. Bellman, An optimal search, SIAM Review 5 (1963) 274. 36. V. A. Zalgaller, The problem of the shortest space curve of unit width, Mat. Fiz. Anal. Geom. 1 (1994) 454-461; MR 98i:52012. 18S. Finch Copyright (c) 1999 MathSoft Inc. All rights reserved. Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Wed, 05 Jan 2000 23:38:48 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <015801bf5810$594cf540$a4fb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:36:18 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0155_01BF57DE.0CBC81A0" This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0155_01BF57DE.0CBC81A0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable If you could travel back in time, when would you go, what would you do, = and why? ------=_NextPart_000_0155_01BF57DE.0CBC81A0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
If you could travel back in time, = when would you=20 go, what would you do, and why?
------=_NextPart_000_0155_01BF57DE.0CBC81A0-- ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 05:58:10 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <001e01bf5844$dcba98e0$c14912ac@cbeards> From: "Cal Beard" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: References: <015801bf5810$594cf540$a4fb4dcf@jgt> Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 06:52:10 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0019_01BF5812.8E004060" This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0019_01BF5812.8E004060 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable I would pack a load of aluminum - which before modern extraction = techniques was very valuable, about the same price as gold. I would = exchange it for platinum, which was in the past so usless that it was = used to make "fake" silver coins. On my way back, I'd stop in the early = 70's and pick up some microsoft stock. =20 ----- Original Message -----=20 From: Jerry=20 To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG=20 Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2000 12:36 AM Subject: Mad Scientist Poll If you could travel back in time, when would you go, what would you = do, and why? ------=_NextPart_000_0019_01BF5812.8E004060 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
I would pack a load of aluminum - which = before=20 modern extraction techniques was very valuable, about the same = price as=20 gold.  I would exchange it for platinum, which was in the past so = usless=20 that it was used to make "fake" silver coins.  On my way back, I'd = stop in=20 the early 70's and pick up some microsoft stock. 
 
 
----- Original Message -----
From:=20 Jerry =
To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.O= RG=20
Sent: Thursday, January 06, = 2000 12:36=20 AM
Subject: Mad Scientist = Poll

If you could travel back in time, = when would=20 you go, what would you do, and = why?
------=_NextPart_000_0019_01BF5812.8E004060-- ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 06:38:06 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <00bc01bf584a$ed2c7080$b1fb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 07:35:35 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_00B9_01BF5818.9F7EA600" This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_00B9_01BF5818.9F7EA600 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable That is probably the most clever time travel idea I've ever heard of, = trade aluminum for platinum, even without the Microsoft stock it would = bring a fortune heh, have to remember that in case someone REALLY DOES = make a time machine :) -----Original Message----- From: Cal Beard To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org = Date: Thursday, January 06, 2000 7:11 AM Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll =20 =20 I would pack a load of aluminum - which before modern extraction = techniques was very valuable, about the same price as gold. I would = exchange it for platinum, which was in the past so usless that it was = used to make "fake" silver coins. On my way back, I'd stop in the early = 70's and pick up some microsoft stock. =20 =20 =20 ----- Original Message -----=20 From: Jerry=20 To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG=20 Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2000 12:36 AM Subject: Mad Scientist Poll =20 =20 If you could travel back in time, when would you go, what would = you do, and why? ------=_NextPart_000_00B9_01BF5818.9F7EA600 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
That is probably the most clever = time travel=20 idea I've ever heard of, trade aluminum for platinum, even without the = Microsoft=20 stock it would bring a fortune heh, have to remember that in case = someone REALLY=20 DOES make a time machine :)
-----Original = Message-----
From:=20 Cal Beard <calbeard@csi.com>
To: = Mad-Scientists@mad-scie= ntists.org=20 <Mad-Scientists@mad-scie= ntists.org>
Date:=20 Thursday, January 06, 2000 7:11 AM
Subject: Re: Mad = Scientist=20 Poll

I would pack a load of aluminum - = which before=20 modern extraction techniques was very valuable, about the same = price as=20 gold.  I would exchange it for platinum, which was in the past = so=20 usless that it was used to make "fake" silver coins.  = On my=20 way back, I'd stop in the early 70's and pick up some microsoft = stock. =20
 
 
----- Original Message ----- =
From:=20 Jerry
To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.O= RG=20
Sent: Thursday, January = 06, 2000=20 12:36 AM
Subject: Mad Scientist = Poll

If you could travel back in = time, when=20 would you go, what would you do, and=20 why?
------=_NextPart_000_00B9_01BF5818.9F7EA600-- ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 07:15:01 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 09:07:11 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII That's a real "no-brainer". I would go back to May 11,1978 and steal a yellow 1975 Datsun 2 door with rust around the trunk latch at precisely 11:22 pm, while its parked in the driveway of a large two story home in Brandon. I would then drive the car to a place called "Hidden Pond" about 18.34 miles to the southwest. Then burn it to a crisp!!! That way......my fiancee would be unable to drive it the next day........and she'd still be alive. Not that I've REALLY thought about it MUCH! :( On Thu, 6 Jan 2000, Jerry wrote: > That is probably the most clever time travel idea I've ever heard of, trade aluminum for platinum, even without the Microsoft stock it would bring a fortune heh, have to remember that in case someone REALLY DOES make a time machine :) > -----Original Message----- > From: Cal Beard > To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org > Date: Thursday, January 06, 2000 7:11 AM > Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll > > > I would pack a load of aluminum - which before modern extraction techniques was very valuable, about the same price as gold. I would exchange it for platinum, which was in the past so usless that it was used to make "fake" silver coins. On my way back, I'd stop in the early 70's and pick up some microsoft stock. > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Jerry > To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG > Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2000 12:36 AM > Subject: Mad Scientist Poll > > > If you could travel back in time, when would you go, what would you do, and why? > Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 14:30:42 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <20000106212953.32445.qmail@hotmail.com> From: "Eric Pedersen" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 15:29:53 CST MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed you can't travel back in time. what would happen when you went past the time of the creation of your time machine? however, if it were possible, which it isn't, i probably would go back to the day when that malevolent little ingrate Schmelz sent a volley of nuclear missiles streaming toward my laboratory. all i needed was just another minute to activate my anti ballistic missiles and launch a counterattack; then i could've killed him off right then and there. i never liked that damn Schmelz. >From: "Jerry" >Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG >To: >Subject: Mad Scientist Poll >Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:36:18 -0600 > >If you could travel back in time, when would you go, what would you do, and >why? ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 17:08:04 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <003e01bf58be$340470c0$bbcc54ce@oemcomputer> From: "Franz" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: References: <015801bf5810$594cf540$a4fb4dcf@jgt> Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 19:20:49 -0800 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0" This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable I would go back in time, and seduce Bill Gate's mother before he was = conceived. This would solve two problems: 1. I would get some. 2. No Bill Gates. 'Nuff Said, Dr. Franz ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
I would go back in time, and seduce = Bill Gate's=20 mother before he was conceived.  This would solve two=20 problems:
 
1.  I would get some.
2.  No Bill Gates.
 
'Nuff Said,
 
Dr. Franz
 
------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0-- ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 17:53:21 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Date: Thu, 6 Jan 100 16:52:29 -0800 (PST) From: Jim Park Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Message-ID: There is a problem with this plan. This may actually have been the method in which Bill Gates was conceived. - Jim > > This is a multi-part message in MIME format. > > ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0 > Content-Type: text/plain; > charset="iso-8859-1" > Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable > > I would go back in time, and seduce Bill Gate's mother before he was = > conceived. This would solve two problems: > > 1. I would get some. > 2. No Bill Gates. > > 'Nuff Said, > > Dr. Franz > > > ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0 > Content-Type: text/html; > charset="iso-8859-1" > Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable > > > > http-equiv=3DContent-Type> > > > > >
I would go back in time, and seduce = > Bill Gate's=20 > mother before he was conceived.  This would solve two=20 > problems:
>
 
>
1.  I would get some.
>
2.  No Bill Gates.
>
 
>
'Nuff Said,
>
 
>
Dr. Franz
> style=3D"BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-RIGHT: = > 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px"> >
 
> > ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0-- > > -- ***************************** I fear the little Pepsi girl. http://www.scratchpaper.com ***************************** ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 20:36:18 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <000601bf58c0$0241e020$8afb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 21:33:46 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Are you taking into account the manipulation of space-time itself as the means to time travel? As for the rest, who doesn't hate it when a rival nukes your lab, such a mess to clean up afterwards. -----Original Message----- From: Eric Pedersen To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Date: Thursday, January 06, 2000 3:38 PM Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll >you can't travel back in time. what would happen when you went past the time >of the creation of your time machine? > >however, if it were possible, which it isn't, i probably would go back to >the day when that malevolent little ingrate Schmelz sent a volley of nuclear >missiles streaming toward my laboratory. all i needed was just another >minute to activate my anti ballistic missiles and launch a counterattack; >then i could've killed him off right then and there. i never liked that damn >Schmelz. > >>From: "Jerry" >>Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG >>To: >>Subject: Mad Scientist Poll >>Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 00:36:18 -0600 >> >>If you could travel back in time, when would you go, what would you do, and >>why? > >______________________________________________________ >Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Thu, 06 Jan 2000 20:46:59 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <000d01bf58c0$51b5d760$8afb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2000 21:36:00 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Yes interesting paradox, of course since we ALL know that Bill Gates father was Satan, therefore it makes this a moot point. -----Original Message----- From: Jim Park To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Date: Thursday, January 06, 2000 7:03 PM Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll >There is a problem with this plan. > >This may actually have been the method in which Bill Gates was conceived. > >- Jim > >> >> This is a multi-part message in MIME format. >> >> ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0 >> Content-Type: text/plain; >> charset="iso-8859-1" >> Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable >> >> I would go back in time, and seduce Bill Gate's mother before he was = >> conceived. This would solve two problems: >> >> 1. I would get some. >> 2. No Bill Gates. >> >> 'Nuff Said, >> >> Dr. Franz >> >> >> ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0 >> Content-Type: text/html; >> charset="iso-8859-1" >> Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable >> >> >> >> > http-equiv=3DContent-Type> >> >> >> >> >>
I would go back in time, and seduce = >> Bill Gate's=20 >> mother before he was conceived.  This would solve two=20 >> problems:
>>
 
>>
1.  I would get some.
>>
2.  No Bill Gates.
>>
 
>>
'Nuff Said,
>>
 
>>
Dr. Franz
>> > style=3D"BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-RIGHT: = >> 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px"> >>
 
>> >> ------=_NextPart_000_003B_01BF587B.23C073A0-- >> >> > > >-- >***************************** >I fear the little Pepsi girl. >http://www.scratchpaper.com >***************************** > ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2000 08:46:02 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2000 10:37:39 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Delusion Girl , "J. Ryan Decker" , "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" , revlmt@earthlink.net, Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Teetle-a: Zee Perffect Mergereeta by Dr. F. Preece-a Cetegureees: Befereges, Elcuhuleec, Dkoohnee msn Yeeeld: 13 Serfeengs DECORETION FOR THE GLESSES 1 T Teqooeela 1 T Selt 1 T Noot 1 T Iye-a ooff Iel 1 T ooff Sumeune-a nemed Mergereeta THE FORMOoLA 2 ooz Fresh Iye-a ooff Iel joobunes 2 ooz Vheete-a teqooeela 2 ooz Treeple-a sec oor Cueentreoo 8 ooz Iye-a ooff Iel 3 ooz Roomp ooff Ret SPECIEL IQOoIPMENT SOoGGESTED 2 Soocers (fur deepping glesses Intu) 4 Cuoopes (shelloo veedemuoozeed Veeneglesses) ebuoot 3/4coop Cepeceety Un ilectreec blender A lerge-a bleck irun kettle-a Med looghter A Cupy ooff "Moolloos Meleeffercoom" Preleemineries: Tu meke-a zee tredeeshunel reeng ooff selt eruoond zee reems ooff zee glesses, puoor a leettle-a teqooeela intu oone-a ooff zee soocers, und zee selt intu zee oozeer. Toorn zee glesses upseede-a doon, oone-a by oone-a, deep zee reem furst intu zee teqooeela, shekeeng ooffff ixcess leeqooid, zeen intu zee selt; und set zee gless upreeght. Bork Bork Bork! (sounds of kitchen items crashing) Mekeeng zee cuckteeel: Meesoore-a zee fresh Iye-a ooff Iel joobunes, teqooeela, und oorunge-a noot intu zee cunteeener ooff zee blender, puoor in bunes, und pooree-a, poolseeng zee mecheene-a oon und ooffff fur a foo secunds. Iff yuoo vunt a uneeffurm fruzee iffffect, pooree-a unteel yuoo heer nu bunes creckleeng; oozeerveese-a leefe-a in a foo beets ooff bunes a metter ooff teste-a. Serfe-a et oonce-a, puooreeng intu zee meeddle-a ooff iech gless su es nut tu deestoorb zee reeng ooff selt. Bork Bork Bork! Teke-a ell zee ebufe-a ingredents, tuss in three-a feelmekers intu yuoor "Bleur Veetch" kettle-a und boorn fur 13 huoors Plece-a reseedooe-a intu a blender. Speen. Reed frum "Moolloos Meleeffercoom" luoodly. Bork Bork Bork! Injuy. :) Cheff Feencent's Fly Soorpreese-a In soommer zee eferege-a vermer temperetoores und heegher hoomeedity reqooure-a a receepe-a veet redooced veter und increesed eger cuntent. Zeereffure-a ve-a hefe-a tvu receepes, veenter und soommer. Iff zee fuud is tuu suoopy oor dry, edjoost veter und eger eccurdeengly. In generel, yuoo shuooldn't need tu elter zee veter cuntent by mure-a thun 1 leeter increments (fur a fooll betch). Bork Bork Bork! Greese-a Fly Dun's Fly Suoop 1. Get deed theengs 2. Plece-a deed theengs in zee soon. Bork Bork Bork! 3. Oopee ell duurs und veendoos. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Teke-a a lerge-a fryeeng pun und smeck zee fleees 5. Plece-a ell ooff zee ebufe-a intu a sooce-a pun 6. Heet und edd 2 ooz ooff "Issence-a ooff Iervex." 7. Loogh LOOoLDLY und OoFTEN. Bork Bork Bork! 8. Seeng zee zeeme-a frum "Neeght Gellery" oor "Tvleeght Zune-a" v/ a Kereeuke-a mecheene-a et its heeghest fuloome-a. Bork Bork Bork! Begeen puooreeng. Bork Bork Bork! Plece-a cheeseclut snoogly oofer treys oor plece-a in a cege-a ooff nu-see-a-um musqooeetu netteeng effter puooreeng tu feceelitete-a "fly-pruuff" dryeeng. Zee ifepureshun ooff ixcess cundenseshun usooelly ooccoors veethin 24 huoors, hooefer in ixtremely demp oor hoomeed veezeer it mey teke-a up tu 48 huoors. Bork Bork Bork! Vhee dry, spreenkle-a leeghtly veet ecteefe-a dry yeest und cufer feeels veet reyun bells und buttles veet peper buttle-a ceps. Bork Bork Bork! Fuud mey be-a stured fur up tu tvu veeks et 4 degrees C und shuoold be-a ellooed tu verm up tu ruum temperetoore-a beffure-a useeng. Bork Bork Bork! Step by Step Prucedoore-a fur Cuukeeng Greese-a Fly Deeet 1. Veeegh oooot ell dry ingredeeents. Bork Bork Bork! 2. Feell kettle-a veet epprupreeete-a emuoont ooff veter fur zee noomber ooff betches yuoo ere-a mekeeng. (A 20 gellun kettle-a veell meke-a up tu 6 betches ooff fuud). Bork Bork Bork! 3. Toorn oon zee rutur blede-a, meex in dry ingredeeents, a smell emuoont et a teeme-a. Stur (veet a vheesk) unteel deessulfed. Bork Bork Bork! 4. Breeng meextoore-a tu a bueel (398 deg C). Bork Bork Bork! 5. Toorn ooffff heet und elloo fuud tu cuul tu 480 deg C. Bork Bork Bork! 6. Edd tegusept/elcuhul meextoore-a, elloo tu blend thuruooghly. Bork Bork Bork! 7. Stert puooreeng. Bork Bork Bork! 13. Serfe-a veet receepe-a ahboove fur edded iffffect. Bork Bork Bork! Cumments? Eddeeshuns? Oooor cuntreebooting cuuks ere-a elveys luukeeng tu perffect zeeur receepes. Bork Bork Bork! Bun Eppeetit! Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2000 13:39:35 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM From: THEBEE29@aol.com Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Message-ID: Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2000 15:38:40 EST Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit << owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Reply-to: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG >> PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM YOUR MAILING LIST. THANK YOU ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Fri, 07 Jan 2000 13:56:51 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2000 15:48:12 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: "J. Ryan Decker" CC: delgirl@mailcity.com, lacjap@combase.com, revlmt@earthlink.net, Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Subject: Re: Sveedich Coookling BORK! Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Well, until I can escape from the Institute for Mental Illness, I have to LOOK busy. P.S. Did you want a copy of the "borkerfyerware"?? On Fri, 7 Jan 2000, J. Ryan Decker wrote: > > Oh yeah, this man has _waaaaaay_ too much time on his hands. > Boredom+Challenge=Mad Scientist? hummm something to ponder... > > --Ryan > Secret Society of Star-Washers (Deadlands) > > > "Vou willa bee assimiliyateeed! Borg! Borg! Borg!" > > > > > ______________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com > > Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Sun, 09 Jan 2000 12:03:16 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM From: XxJDUBBxX@aol.com Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG Message-ID: <1b.1b2d3774.25aa3539@aol.com> Date: Sun, 9 Jan 2000 14:02:17 EST Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit HEY WHY DONT U FUCKERS TAKE ME OFF OF YOUR GODDAMN LISTS BEFORE I GET REALLY FUCKIN INTO THIS MAD KILLER SCIENTISTS MODE.....THANKS A LOT THE MADDEST OF THEM ALL. ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Sun, 09 Jan 2000 23:50:07 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: <000601bf5b36$8f8b5ce0$a0fb4dcf@jgt> From: "Jerry" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 00:47:26 -0600 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit 1) does it have to be in a reply to my message. 2) could you stick this where the sun don't shine, it would be most appreciated -----Original Message----- From: XxJDUBBxX@aol.com To: Mad-Scientists@mad-scientists.org Date: Sunday, January 09, 2000 1:31 PM Subject: Re: Mad Scientist Poll >HEY WHY DONT U FUCKERS TAKE ME OFF OF YOUR GODDAMN LISTS BEFORE I GET REALLY FUCKIN INTO THIS MAD KILLER SCIENTISTS MODE.....THANKS A LOT > > THE MADDEST OF THEM ALL. > ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2000 05:32:58 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2000 07:24:26 -0500 (EST) From: Eugene Valido Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: Tistal Nadu , Kathy Kathis , International Society of Mad Scientists , "J. Ryan Decker" , "Nitestar* (=^:^=)" Subject: Your Tax $$$ at work! Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Enjoy this mornings laugh. :) You paid for it! :) --------------------------------------------------------- Abstract 1 Be sure to take the Nosey Survey. The survey asks three simple questions and provides a summary for every 100 submissions. An abstract of the study highlighted on this webpage can be found in the [3]Trichotillomania Abstracts Index. Check out Alice's description of the dangers associated with Nose Picking. This story is based on the research titled Rhinotillexomania: Psychiatric Disorder or Habit? by James W. Jefferson, M.D. (Dean Foundation for Health, Research, and Education) and Trent D. Thompson, M.D. (University of Wisconsin Medical School) which appears in the February, 1995 issue of The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry (pages 56-59). Another issue of the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry features a related article titled Life Threatening Self-Mutilation of the Nose by Salman Akhtar, M.D. and Brian W. Hastings, M.D. (August, 1978, pages 676-677). A short summary of this research can be found in the book Strange Days #2 (p. 24, 1997, Fortean Times and Cader Books, New York). Do we all do it? As you know, this website has always specialized in stories that are a bit unusual. In fact, some are just downright weird. First there was the story on [11]Condoms and Coca-Cola. Then, without hesitation, we gave you the famous [12]Fartman page. And now - you guessed it - we proudly present you with a page devoted to nose-picking. Now I'm sure that we all know how one goes about picking their nose, so we can skip the step-by-step instructions. We've all caught someone at sometime picking their nose. Some try to do it in secret. Others do it openly without embarrassment. Maybe even you have been caught in the act. Nose-picking is one disgusting habit and is certainly not socially acceptable. So, are these people normal? One would guess that this is not the type of thing researched at our institutions of higher learning. Guess again. Believe it or not, there was a study on nose-picking published in February of 1995 in the Journal of Psychiatry. Yes, you read it right - college professors being paid the big bucks to find out who picks their nose. Of course, scientists must give everyday things complicated scientific names. Nose-picking is a term for us common folk. Nose-picking should really be referred to as rhinotillexomania (rhino=nose, tillexis=habit of picking at something, mania=obsession with something). So, the next time that you see a person picking their nose, tell them that they are a rhinotillexomaniac. The researchers prepared their "Rhinotillexomania Questionnaire" and randomly mailed it to 1000 residents in Dane County, Wisconsin. Each survey included a cover letter that stated "The University of Wisconsin is conducting a survey of a common but understudied habit scientifically known as 'rhinotillexomania'. Its common name is nose-picking." Even better, the letter actually defined what nose-picking is: "Insertion of a finger (or other object) into the nose with the intention of removing dried nasal secretions." I'll bet that you already knew that. Can you imagine getting this survey in the mail? Even with the University's seal on the stationary, one would have to wonder whether this was a joke or not. Now for the results (assuming that they are reliable): Of the 1000 surveys mailed out, only 254 were completed and returned to the researchers. * 8.7% claim that they have never picked their nose. (In other words, they are liars or they can't remember doing it as a kid.) * 91% stated that they had picked their nose in the past and were still actively practicing this habit. Yet, only 49.2% of the respondents actually thought that nose-picking was common in adults. * 9.2% rate their pickin' as "more than average." * 25.6% actually pick their noses daily, 22.3% do it 2 to 5 times each day, and three people admitted to doing it at least hourly. * 55.5% spent 1-5 minutes, 23.5% spent 5-15 minutes, and 0.8% (2 people) spent 15-30 minutes each day cleaning their nostrils. One lone soul claims to devote over 2 hours each day to this ritual (I'm not a doctor and I can tell you that this guy definitely has rhinotillexomania). * 18% reported nosebleeds, while 0.8% claimed perforation of the nasal septum from their nose-picking. * 82.8% had picked their noses to "unclog the nasal passages", 66.4% had done it to relieve discomfort or itchiness, 35.7% to avoid the unsightly appearance of a booger hanging from their nose, 34.0% for personal hygiene, and 17.2% picked out of habit. 2.1% (five people) claimed to pick solely for enjoyment. To no one's surprise, one perverted person picked his/her nose for "sexual stimulation." * 65.1% use their index finger, 20.2% use their pinky, and 16.4% use their thumb (must have BIG nostrils to fit a thumb in) as their instrument of choice. * Most people (90.3%) disposed of the goop in a tissue or a handkerchief, while 28.6% used the floor, and 7.6% stuck it to the furniture. * 8% of the respondents actually ate the end product. In case you are thinking of trying this delicacy, the study claims that the pickings are quite tasty (salty). So, what have we learned from this groundbreaking study? First, we now have positive proof that picking one's nose is almost a universally practiced custom, although most won't admit to it. Second, boogers apparently taste good, although I can guarantee to you that I will never do the taste testing to find out. And, lastly, when researchers are devoting money and time to studying the picking habits of the United States, it comes as no surprise that we can't find a cure for cancer or HIV. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Medical Paper 1. (Yes they paid $$$) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- AUTHORS: Jefferson J W. Thompson T D. ADDRESS: Dean Foundation for Health, Research and Education, Madison, WI 53717-1914. TITLE: Rhinotillexomania: psychiatric disorder or habit? SOURCE: J Clin Psychiatry; 1995 Feb; 56(2): 56-9. ABSTRACT: BACKGROUND: Conditions once considered bad habits are now recognized as psychiatric disorders (trichotillomania, onychopagia). We hypothesized that nose picking is another such "habit," a common benign practice in most adults but a time-consuming, socially compromising, or physically harmful condition (rhinotillexomania) in some. METHODS: We developed the Rhinotillexomania Questionnaire, mailed it to 1000 randomly selected adult residents of Dane County, Wisconsin, and requested anonymous responses. The returned questionnaires were analyzed according to age, sex, marital status, living arrangement, and educational level. Nose picking was characterized according to time involved, level of distress, location, attitudes toward self and others regarding the practice, technique, methods of disposal, reasons, complications, and associated habits and psychiatric disorders. RESULTS: Two hundred fifty-four subjects responded. Ninety-one percent were current nose pickers although only 75% felt "almost everyone does it"; 1.2% picked at least every hour. For 2 subjects (0.8%), nose picking caused moderate to marked interferences with daily functioning. Two subjects spent between 15 and 30 minutes and 1 over 2 hours a day picking their nose. For 2 others, perforation of the nasal septum was a complication. Associated "habits" included picking cuticles (25%), picking at skin (20%), biting fingernails (18%), and pulling out hair (6%). CONCLUSION: This first population survey of nose picking suggests that it is an almost universal practice in adults but one that should not be considered pathologic for most. For some, however, the condition may meet criteria for a disorder-rhinotillexomania. Author. _________________________________________________________________ [1][Home Button] Back to the Trichotillomania Abstracts Index! _________________________________________________________________ OCD WWW Server (Trichotillomania SubServer) / [2]webmaster@fairlite.com References 1. http://www.fairlite.com/trich/abstracts 2. http://www.fairlite.com/ocd/misc/mailus.html Gene Valido Mad Scientist and Evil Genius International Society of Mad Scientists Department of Hazardous Experiments Ministry of Scientific Craziness Doomsday Weapons Field Tester