Archive-Date: Sat, 02 Sep 2000 06:01:47 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Message-ID: From: "Tse, Wilson" Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: "'Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG'" Subject: It's alive, give me the laser spoon quick... Date: Sat, 2 Sep 2000 14:00:40 +0100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain And I fear this list is gone forever, now it seems we're all just too busy doing research. Here's some rules tht I found helpful for doing reserch: AMAZINGLY BAD ANALOGY: Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick. Therefore, you can train a potato to dance. FAULTY CAUSE AND EFFECT: Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge pants makes you fat. I AM THE WORLD: Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music is not popular. IGNORING EVERYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS ABOUT THE BRAIN: Example: People choose to be obese/gay/alcoholic because they prefer the lifestyle. THE FEW ARE THE SAME AS THE WHOLE: Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites. GENERALIZING FROM SELF: Example: I'm a liar. Therefore I don't believe what you're saying. TOTAL LOGICAL DISCONNECTION: Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made of bricks. ARGUMENT BY BIZARRE DEFINITION: Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against the law. ANYTHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO: Example: If you have the right tools, how hard can it be to generate nuclear fission at home. IGNORANCE OF STATISTICS: Example: I'm putting ALL of my money on the lottery this week because the jackpot is so big. IGNORING THE DOWNSIDE RISK: Example: I know that bungee jumping could kill me, but it's three seconds of pure fun! SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE: Example: Remember "all things come to those who wait." So don't bother looking for a job. IRRELEVANT COMPARISONS: Example: $100 is a good price for a toaster, compared to buying a Ferrari. CIRCULAR REASONING: Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you. And I must be smarter than you because I'm correct. INCOMPLETENESS AS PROOF OF FACT Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't address the question of why there are no unicorns, so it must be wrong. IGNORING THE ADVICE OF EXPERTS WITHOUT GOOD REASON: Example: Sure, the experts say you shouldn't ride a bicycle in the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF KNOWN IDIOTS: Example: Uncle Horace says eating pork makes you smarter. That's good enough for me. REACHING BIZARRE CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ANY INFORMATION: Example: My car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns. FAULTY PATTERN RECOGNITION: Example: His last six wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope to be wife number seven. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT'S IMPORTANT: Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and tell them to hold my mail! OVERAPPLICATION OF OCCAM'S RAZOR (WHICH SAYS THE SIMPLEST EXPLANATION MUST BE CORRECT): Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that they were hoaxes. INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME THINGS HAVE MULTIPLE CAUSES: Example: The Beatles were popular for one reason only: They were good singers. JUDGING THE WHOLE BY ONE OF ITS CHARACTERISTICS: Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore the planet would be better off without the sun. BLINDING FLASHES OF THE OBVIOUS: Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty. BLAMING THE TOOL: Example: I bought an encyclopedia but I'm still stupid. TAKING THINGS TO THEIR ILLOGICAL CONCLUSION: Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you know he'll be lopping your limbs off. PROOF BY LACK OF EVIDENCE: Example: I've never seen you drunk, so you must be one of those Amish people. Wilson Overly-enthusiastic pundit of borderline reality ================================================================================ Archive-Date: Sat, 02 Sep 2000 14:51:29 -0700 Sender: owner-mad-scientists@VJC.COM Date: Sat, 2 Sep 2000 17:49:39 -0400 (EDT) From: "Gene V." Reply-To: Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG To: "'Mad-Scientists@Mad-Scientists.ORG'" Subject: Re: It's alive, give me the laser spoon quick... Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Yes. Of course the old professor's line is just as absurd..."I'm right because I KNOW I am!" Mr. Gene Valido Mad Scientist for The Furby Military Academies http://users.viawest.net/ctos/~cwebb/furbymain.htm